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I'm afraid...

I'm afraid...

I'm applying to the Grace Hopper Academy. It's been 2 weeks since I've been applying to the Grace Hopper Academy. For 2 weeks, I've been fighting the voices of inner naysayers as I apply to the Grace Hopper Academy.  I know with all that I know that I want to attend the Grace Hopper Academy. Yet, I struggle with putting that desire in the small virtual boxes beneath their application prompts. 

 

Why do you want to be a developer?

There are problems I want to solve that I know I can solve but for the gap in my skills.  

Why would you be a great student at Grace Hopper?

I love learning and I share that enthusiasm freely. I like to help others expand their horizons and capabilities. That's why I'm in customer service and community building.  

Easy, right? But wait....

Tell us more about each position you've held in your employment history. How did you get where you are?

<<Oh no, they will see my history and think I'm not serious about code. After all, it hasn't been my direct focus for years!>>

Undergraduate Major

<<Computer Science....they're going to wonder why I need this program at all. I must have some deficit or something, right?>>

GitHub URL

<< I set it up a while ago, but I haven't uploaded anything. I need to put my code up but if they all go up at the same time, they might think I'm misrepresenting myself. Plus it's going to take so much time tracking down all my attempts, I don't even know where to start... >>

 I feel laid bare.

Imposter Syndrome at it's finest. I want this program so bad. But, I find myself toying with thoughts of "I definitely shouldn't be here, even thinking about being part of this program"....

It's been 2 weeks since I have been working on my Grace Hopper Academy application. And, I'm scared. 

Im afraid that I won't be enough. Terrified they will not choose me. That they will see me as a fraud, unworthy of their time and energy.

I'm scared, that they won't like me. 

Afraid that I might try to get in. And fail.

------ But ------

If I don't try what do I gain?

If I don't reflect on these questions they are asking, am I truly serious about being a developer? And making change?

What if I get in?

What if I'm amazing at it?

What if they like me?

What if I find out that I'm more than enough? ...even though I'm afraid. 

What if I try and I gain and I become a better version of me than I could have imagined?

 

....let's find out! 

-----

It deleted everything!

It deleted everything!

"Google wouldn't want me"

"Google wouldn't want me"