It is important to take risks. You will learn a lot about yourself and your world. You will challenge assumptions and come up against harsh realities. And with any risk, you can fail.
I wanted to become a web developer very badly. It was a scary proposition. I would be leaving a very cushy position with lots of great benefits and perks. A good job, that I did well but left me unfulfilled. I needed to change things and make a bigger contribution than that role offered. I'm not getting any younger. I needed to act.
I got certain things in order. Made specific plans. There were many unknowns but I felt confident that they would be sorted out given certain expected factors. Now, with weeks left in my program, uncertainty has become more of a bedfellow than I expected. Deals that were made to bolster the viability of this venture have fallen through, avenues of income, security gone in a blink.
With 3 weeks to go, I find myself trying to focus on the final major project of the course (the one to impress potential employers), finding housing for July and beyond, not worrying about the surgery of very close family members and my bank account. It is all incredibly distracting. My focus is drawn every which way as I pack up my apartment with no new one to put my things, as I debate the structure of our app with my teammates, as I try not to cry on every phone call with those closest to me, as I try to remain together as things fall apart.
I'm confident in my ability. I'm certain that this program was one of the best decisions that I ever made, as I feel the most useful that I've felt in a while. I know that I will provide great value wherever I go. But the world will not wait the 2-3 weeks that I need before I can afford to live in this city.
I'm at the mercy of the kindness of friends and strangers. It's part of a really good story to tell in the future. It just sucks to be in it, present and clear. This too shall pass. Soon and very soon.
Pushing through it.